hellen23
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Will I always feel jealous?I put a post on general discussion about the miscarriage I had over the christmas period & had some really helpful & understanding replies. So I would just like to thank everyone for that!Now I need some advice about recovering emotionally.
My sister in law found out she was pregnant 2 days after me & thankfully is carrying well. But I hate being around her & her husband  I know that sounds awful because im going to be an auntie afterall & should be happy 4 them, its their first child & obviously r very excited & happy! I just get so upset when im around them, tonight my brother in law sat with his wife & put his hand on her tummy, the contented look on their faces almost brought me to tears! Then he kissed her tummy & I had to walk out! Thats just what my husband was doing the night the bleeding started!
She is almost 9 weeks pregnant so very shortly im going to have to see scan photos & I just dont think ill be able to bear it I hate feeling like this, I hate myself 4 feeling jealous but I just look at them & think 'THEY HAVE SOMETHING IVE LOST, ITS NOT FAIR'
My husband is very understanding & says its hard 4 him too but he copes so much better than me. I can just about keep my head above water coping with the loss but this is like salt in the wound because we fell pregnant at pretty much the same time. I just dont know how to act round them IF i have to be round them. I prefer staying away but I cannot keep doing that, its not fair on them & its not sorting out the issue. I just dont know what to do
Any advice I would really appreciate as I feel ive hit a brick wall with the grieving process when im having it thrown in my face!
Many thanx for reading this
Hellen
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Cath
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Hi Hellen,
Very sorry to hear about your miscarriage, there seems to be so many new posts on the forum lately that I simply haven't had time to sit and read everything.
I too had a miscarriage a number of years ago and all I can say is that it takes time to get over - but you will get over it. Everybody deals with grief in their own way, do what ever you need to do. If you need to cry, cry if you need to shout, shout. Just take time to grieve in your own way.
It must be really hard though having to keep seeing your sister in law. Do they know about your loss? It seems a bit insensitive of them to act like that if they do, perhaps you could tell them your feelings.
Sorry I don't know what else to say, just give yourself time. Remember, the most likely cause especially early on in pregnancy is that the fetus was abnornal or defective. (not much comfort I know). You need to focus on yourself for a while, grieve, then draw a line under this and move on and think about the future. You will go on to have another healthy pregnancy I'm sure.
Not sure if you like travelling but maybe it would help if you, your husband and daughter could just go away by yourselves somewhere for a few days and just spend some quality time together.
Take care and I'm sending you a huge cyber hug.
Cathxx
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hellen23
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Hiya Cath, thanks so much 4 your reply! There isnt much stopping my family from having a short break sometime soon so Im going to mention that to my husband. My sister in law does know about our loss, to say they have been really unintrested is a under statement, I know they're probably floating in there own happy little bubble now so I did expect them to really care much. They're quite like that, rather selfish in there actions sometimes, especially my brother in law!
Im hoping this pain wont be so raw by the time we have to see scans etc. Cheers for your advice, i really appreciate it
Hellen xXx
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Julie
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Hi Hellen,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've never been pregnant myself so I can only imagine your pain. It frustrates me to hear how insensitive your in-laws are! If I were you I would probably want to curl up in a ball in my room and cry for a week and then avoid all pregnant women for a good while. I agree that you definitely need to take time for you and do whatever it is that you feel you need to do in order to heal. If it's any help my mother-in-law loves to tell the story of my husband -- She had a miscarriage in late summer and was really upset. Once her doctor cleared her to have sex again, he said he wanted to see her back in his office, pregnant by Thanksgiving (that's in late November, I know it's an American holiday). Well my father-in-law took that as a personal challenge and was so proud of himself when they were sitting in the doctor's office around Halloween and they found out they were pregnant again! Then in June, on Father's Day, my husband made his entrance into the world!
So I truly wish you the best in whatever happens. Sending hugs!
Julie
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Mel_127
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Hiya
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss... having a miscarriage is a extremely hard thing to get through I could imagine. I can absoloutly see why you feel jealous, of course you will... as you say she has got something that you have lost and right now you must just be angry at the world. Including your sister. I wouldn't worry to much it probably will pass in time, and I'm sure if your sister started noticing your unusual behaviour she would understand whats going on.
Maybe you should try and have a converstation with her about it and tell her how you feel. Surely she would understand, I'm sure anyone would under the circumstances.
Hope your feeling better about it soon xxxx
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chiknboom
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Hi Hellen, I have never been pregnant yet, but in 05 I was getting brave
and thinking and talking about it and my mother in law got really excited
cause I was 34 at the time and she had given up on me.Well let me explain
I have been afraid to get pregnant cause of the V factor,anyway my niece
who is my mother in laws favorite granddaughter used to laugh at me for
that and she is a mean jealous person .She saw how excited my M-i-l
was and like two weeks later informed all of us she was going to get pregnant
to show me how easy it is.( 18 and not married and no job) 2 mos later
wadda you know she's prego...I started crying and not from joy,I felt like
someone had punched me in the gut.As her pregnancy progressed she told
me V stories which I think were just to torture me cuz she always looked
fine and ate.But what got me was she would stand sticking out her belly and
rub it and smile at me(my husband even noticed it) Then she became the center of my Mother in laws universe and I was forgotten.I HATED her
I felt like she demoted me in the family.Plus my taxpayer money paid
for her to have it..The baby is now 2 and I admit I love her.I think alot
of my problem was the loss of relationship with my mil and feelings of
inadequacy,however I will never feel the same towards my niece.
My start date for trying is May I am scared to death...My heart goes out
to you for your loss and I hope you can come to terms with it.
You will get pregnant don't worry,I will wish for you
Big Hugs
Dana
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hellen23
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hiya danaHiya Dana,
Im currently having my 2nd miscarriage (we got caught again after my 1st m/c at xmas) but I had to reply, your post really hit a nerve with me, PLEASE dont let your niece put you off getting pregnant, I have a 2 year old daughter & I carried her to term, I wasnt sick once, not in pregnancy or in labour!
You'll be suprised how many women have done this, most ladies that are sick in labour are so because of the strong drugs but I found water helped the pain better than drugs!
Your niece sounds like some spoilt brat, sorry but thats really how she comes off. I know how you feel trying to live up to your MIL because now my sis-in-law is pregnant she threw a party 4 them getting pregnant the week I had my 1st miscarriage & she really lost some of my respect.
I wish you well for your future pregnancies & try to relax, its VERY possible to have a baby without the V factor even playing a part in it, im living proof of that. All the best
Love Hellen xXx
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chiknboom
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Hey girlie,yah my niece is a piece of work,I have been pretty much able
to ignore her,but now that we are trying she is talking about it again
and they had moved back in with my in-laws.It is like she has to be the
center of attention..OH WELL what can I do?I am truly sorry to hear about
your 2nd m/c that has to be heart wrenching.Why is it that good people
that want children and are responsible have so much trouble?In the midst
of your anguish you reach out to reassure me,you certainly deserve to
have a baby.I have a 25yr old friend who has had 4 since sept,she seems to get to 4wks
and it happens,her ob/gyn found her progesterine levels dropped and without that
your body doesn't continue to support the pregnancy.It is so sad she cries all the time.
I myself have worries,because I have waited until 36,maybe it wont even work...Well I will let whatever happens happen.Keep taking your antibiotic,don't give up it's certainly worth
having.Ps nice picture you are both beauties.
Much Love and ((((HUGS))))
Dana
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