What will happen?

Gemma · What will happen?

Hi, I'm having a few probs at home and am scared whats going to happen.

My mum is expecting her 9th baby any day now, and its with a new partner. All my brothers and sisters are fantastic but I'm scared I wont love this baby the same as its not my dads.

However the main problem I'm having is my mums drinking. For 2-3 years she has been drinking quite badly and hasn't stopped only cut down during this last pregnancy. Recently she's been drinking more and more and I just know as soon as the baby is born it will get worse and she wont look after the baby. I practically looked after my youngest sister on my own. She is now nearly four and I am NOT UP TO looking after a baby again.

Also, (sorry if this is boring, need to get it off my chest) I'm worried that there might be something wrong with the baby due to the alcohol. A scan already showed there may be a heart problem (indicating downs) but my mum refused further tests.

She wont cope with a healthy baby let alone one with problems, and I can't handle any more upset.

Anyone have any advice?

Gemx x

weechatterbox

oh gemma
i don't know what to say
i'm so sorry.
how old are you?
it's a huge burden for you to tackle by yourself, regardless of your age.
perhaps you could speak to your family doctor?
i'm not sure where else you could start...maybe others on here will have a better idea.
i know your GP won't discuss your mum's health with you cos of confidentiality reasons, but there's nothing to stop you going and raising the issue so THEY can keep an eye on things...and maybe also give you numbers for organisations which will be able to support you both.
i'm sure you will love this baby just as much as your other siblings.
but it shouldn't be your responsibility to be a mum
for your sake, your mum's sake and the newborn baby's sake, you need some professional support.
sorry this isn't much help
but just wanted you to know that i'd read your post and i'm here for you.
take care
love gailxxx

Gemma

Thank you that means a lot. No one seems to understand so just ignores me!

I am nearly 23, feel about 40! I don't do as much as I used to but haven't been well, so don't feel up to caring for another new born.

Thank you for your advice I will speak to my doctor although I doubt there is much she can do.

Gemx x

chrissy

hi there gemma,you poor thing i really feel for you,i grew up with a mum who was an alcoholic so no wot that feels like,in fact thats where this awful phobia of mine comes from as she was always throwing up thru drink etc.but this is not about me its about you,and the thing you DEFINATLEY need is PROFESIONAL help and support.Go and see your dr.tell him/her exactly what you have told us,they can put you in touch with all sorts of help,even for your mum,being an alcoholic is an illness in itself and is recognised as one now,in my mums days of the drink it was a taboo subject that no one really spoke about and there was not the help about that there is today,so PLEASE start off by looking after yourself by telling your dr.if you dont want to see a dr.there are many,many support groups and people who deal with alcohole related problems,you can find them online,in the phone book,from your nurse or dr.at your surgery,and more.Dont go through this alone,you will feel so much better and cope more with that support,my love and thoughts are with you,keep us posted how you get on wont you-chrissy.x

Cath

Hi Gemma, I agree with what the others have said and you really need to confide in someone and get some help as you should not have to deal with this yourself. Alcoholics don't think their drinking is a problem - in fact I've just been reading a story about a woman who turned to alcohol on today's Daily Mail on line - but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and someone should be told so your mum can get the help she needs.
It is not for you to be bringing up your brothers or sisters, you are only young and should be living your own life, it's not fair on you to have to do this.
Try to find some professional who will listen to you and get some help for your mother - even if she denies that she needs help - before something serious happens. Don't give up, keep persevering till you find someone who will help you, this can't go on.
Please keep us posted.

Take Care,
Cath

Gemma

Its not going to happen. I can't bear to cause any more upset and I can't get help from anyone. It will just go round and round in circles. What exactly can anyone do anyway? I'm sure they will just refer me for counselling which I've suffered so many times. My mum is beyond help. I just wish it would all go away.

chrissy

Gemma,please dont give up sweetie,i left you a post yesterday about growing up with an alcoholic mum,she was on the booze most of her life,but today and for the past 4yrs she has been clean and does'nt miss it at all,i got her the help she needed thru a very understanding dr.who then put her in touch with the help that suited her and i never had to go to any counciling myself,so you wont need the counciling etc yourself if you dont want it,but by just telling someone profesionaly,you will get the ball rolling then you let the profesionals take over,please,please dont give up on yourself or your mum,you are so young and should be enjoying life,not have to carry this great big burden around with you alone,it sounds like you are affraid of the consiquences,but BELEIVE ME when i say once this burden is lifted from your shoulders,you will feel so much better and begin to reclaim your life again,so go and do what we have all advised you to do,PLEASE,PLEASE,DONT GIVE UP,WE ARE ALL BEHIND YOU AND WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE SUPPORT AND HELP YOU NEED,make that call now to your dr or someone profesional,keep us all posted,once again you are in my thoughts and i am sending you loads of love n hugs-chrissy.x

Trudy

Hi Gemma
I wanted to tell you that there is help out there even for people who have been drinking a long time. My husbands ex wife drank for 18 years, she walked out on 3 of her children and I brought them up with my husband then her youngest with her next partner was taken into care while she was in rehab. She has now been clean for 2 years and is due to get her son back soon. Her 3 other kids see her a lot now and she is like a different person, it was like having an extra child to deal with when she was drinking and now she is much better. She comes from a family of drinkers so if she can do it anyone can. I spoke to the health visitor and they contacted social services and it went from there, I would highly recommend speaking to someone for your sake as well as hers and all your family.
Trudy

Gemma

This has been going on far too long and I'm going round and round in circles. I have been to social services before and after many months they sided with my mum and backed off. She is very clever and convincing. She seems the perfect mother. Mt doctor is useless and wont get involved as my mother has to want help. I just want it all to stop.

Cath

Hi Gemma, unfortunately it sounds like the kind of thing you hear so many times with social services, they make a quick visit, see well fed and clothed kids with no bruises and presume that everything is ok.
Your mother doesn't want help or think she has a problem so what can be done? Like you say she is convincing and they believe her, you somehow need to show them this is not the case.
It must be like banging your head against a brick wall if you can't get anyone to listen to you. It's not you that needs counselling what are they thinking of telling you this?
I think you have got to nag and nag at the professionals, tell them the baby could be in danger or something to make them listen. Threaten them that if anything happens to the children they will be in trouble for not doing something about it.

Can you maybe move out and distance yourself from all this, this is just too much for you to be taking on on your own.
Please Gemma don't give up on this, keep at it, this is so not right.

Cathx