weechatterbox
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relationship falling apart....ok big non-emet whinge...
my relationship is a disaster.
i know i'm a horror to live with (my downfalls are probably much tougher to bear than his)...but from a purely selfish point of view - I'M MISERABLE!!
he is such a grumpy b*stard....
always moaning at my kids and i HATE him for it.
like today, matthew came into the bedroom to sit beside me on the bed while i emailed my work.
he wanted to see me on my own so he shoved the bedroom door closed behind him...and scott goes off on one, snapping 'we don't close doors!'
what the f*ck!?!?!?!
we don't close doors???????????????
i think i prefer being a single mum.
i miss being able to have my kids in beside me for a cuddle and to watch a movie at night if we feel like it....but we can't do it cos he wants to go to bed.
(don't get me wrong...i'm not saying he shouldn't be allowed to come to his own bed. just that i should maybe be alone!!)
in the mornings, sometimes the kids want to come in beside me for a cuddle and he makes a huge deal of how he has no space to move over and let them in.
we end up THREE of us squished up on my side while he lies there with all the space in the world
but on the nights his wee girl is here....that's different. she was in the bed this morning (while mine perched on the edge) and he didn't moan then.
the kids are not morning people and we have terrible times trying to get them ready for school.
in fairness to scott, he takes the time to wash them while i'm in the shower so we can all get ready...but he's so harsh with them and he only makes things worse.
for example, i'll go in, switch a light on, open the blinds and talk to them....cajole them...'morning sweetheart, time to get up'.
he marches in like a f*cking sergeant major shouting 'right! up NOW!' and yanks the covers off them.
i CONSTANTLY have this simmering resentment of him cos of the way he treats us.
i know my complaints are petty (my god he tolerates me and i'm an emet!!) but i can't help the way he makes me angry.
to top it off, i have NO sex life.
i don't want to kiss (germs!!) or do anything that involves horrific body fluids.
that's NOT personal to scott tho.....i just can no longer bear the thought of being that close to ANYONE
find myself wanting to retreat into my own world which involves my children, my work and sleeping in my OWN bed.
please help....
i've threatened to leave before but he says he won't buy me out the house and he'll make me keep paying my half of the mortgage (which means i can't afford to pay rent anywhere else).
think i need to cry...
sorry for banging on .
love gailxx
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weechatterbox
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btw this is how petty i've become....
this morning, i got up and dusted our room, matt's room, ben's room, did some ironing, hoovered, looked out clothes for the kids to wear, gave them a bath.....
while i'm doing that, HE is sitting on his daugher's floor tidying cos he's allowed her room to get to the stage where she was literally sleeping UNDER her toys. they were piled all over her duvet....cos she'd run out of space for dumping them on the surfaces or on the floor.
i NEVER allow my children to get their room into that state. they keep it reasonably tidy...and i pop in and help them pick up things too from time to time. it's the deal we have.
anyway, big leap here but scott is always going on about how there's no point wasting bath water. my two tend to jump in together then his little girl will go in (or vice versa). he always takes out some water from the first bath and tops it up with fresh warm water. (personally i'd just start from scratch but he says it's fine just to top it up for the second bath).
so today mine come out, the water is still reasonably warm so i left the water for his little girl.
half an hour later he goes into the bathroom and comes back snarling 'did you not even have the decency to pull the plug out the bath?
what?!?!?
when i drain the water, i've got it wrong. when i leave the water, i've got it wrong too.
and i felt like screaming 'no f*ckwit!! i didn't empty the bath. i was too busy doing the dusting...the hoovering.....the tidying.....while YOU sat on your a*se picking up crap off your daughter's floor...which you should have kept on top of so that it didn't end up looking like a f*cking pig sty in the first place...which is why it took more than an hour to tidy!!!!'
ffs...
i cannot take this sh*t any longer.
he is banging about like a primitave ape.
he resents me having work contacts...he's always making snide comments.
f*ck this to kingdom come
gx
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Lolly
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I'm Only 18 so don't have much to go by but...
It seems your really unhappy and he is getting on your nerves, i know my exs might not be as serious but when im with guys i'll be all loved up and they can do know wrong, then when i start getting bored or whatever everything they do/say really irritates me and i always start arguements i just want to piss them off as much as they do me.
And by the way he treats your children is not on, if your children aren't happy and you not please pick up the courage for your children. You could maybe talk to him about it or decide whether to go your seperate ways and look at housing and when you've got that sorted let him know.
It seems like your two people just living together not with eachother if that makes sense.
Hope that sort of helped 
xxxx
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dragonfly
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Gail
You do sound unhappy. !
I never know what to say but i am at the other end of a text xx
Sarah
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Julie
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Gail,
I'm so sorry that you're unhappy....sounds like it's been going on for a while. Resentment is a tough thing because it just eats away you! I hope that you are able to work this out and I wish I had something more brilliant to say but I've only been married 2 years....
Hugs,
Julie
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weechatterbox
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thanks everyone
i feel like i would be wrong to give up on my relationship cos i don't think it's all about scott....more about me. but at the same time i'm not sure how much longer i can take feeling this miserable!!
for example, i have developed this thing where i can't stand anyone encroaching on my personal space. perish the thought of kissing or more!!!
but it doesn't matter WHO i was with....i still wouldn't want contact of that nature. it just turns me right off now.
so i have to work out WHY that's happened to me....i mean, it's NOT scott's fault.
i look at him and think 'he IS gorgeous...a really nice looking guy...and he looks after me in so many ways....he took on my kids when he barely gets to see his own wee girl, which breaks his heart....and he does look out for my boys'.
it's just that i can't stand the way he narks at them. that said, i think that whoever was disciplining my children, i'd resent them for it.
i need to get past these demons of my own....
i don't know what to do.
i don't want to leave my home or lose any of the nice things i have....
most importantly, i want to do what's right by my kids but i'm not sure what that is!?!?
on the one hand, they moan that scott is grumpy....but then yesterday matthew asked if he could still see him if we split up cos he'd miss him!!
i'm so so torn..
thanks for the replies. just helps knowing you guys are out there.
love gailxx
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helen
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Oh Gail - your posting made me want to cry. So so sorry for you. I am really fortunate that I have a wonderful man who I am pushing away with my emet, menopause and eating disorder etc. I lived alone following my divorce for 11 years and loved it and had no one to please but myself. I am having major problems adjusting to being with him - and I hate myself.
I just wish I could offer some sound advice but right now, I am so worn out with everything, I can bearly breathe - but sending a big hug
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weechatterbox
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hey helen
i'm sorry you're having a tough time too.
sounds quite similar to me......in so many ways, scott is a wonderful person but i just can't seem to let anyone into my life.
we're LESS close than we used to be cos i'm pushing and pushing him away.
but then there is this element of resentment which i guess is a good excuse to go off at the deep end.
maybe we'll get this emet sorted some day, eh? i know it's definitely a factor in my relationship probs.
it's a depressing thought that i might feel like this the rest of my days!!!
i'm only 30
gxx
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helen
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... and I am 44 in 2 weeks - a long time to have emet (since childhood). I am capable of distroying this relationship and myself with it all. just a thought but if you look at my silly question in the earlier postings - would you prefer not to have emet or a life guarenteed not to v or d, I wonder whether we (us emets) are afraid of it, because we feel something different when s*** than non emets - I dont know - or perhaps care
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Royale
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My one and only question: have you talked to him about this stuff? I've only been with my love for eight or nine months, but we've been through rough times, and what gets us through is communication. Figuring out what we did to upset the other, or why we're upset. It works.. And about the whole bodily fluids thing: I've read somewhere that you can kiss someone who's gotten the v* bugs, until they v*, I guess.
Regardless, I won't tell you to do anything. Relationships are personal, and personal things are the person's business and nobody else's. I wonder if it would upset him a lot if you left...
My best advice: ask. DON'T LET THE RESENTMENT BUILD. Tell him what you see. If he tells you to f*ck off or some similar offensive reply, then don't even bother. That's rude and despicable to deny conversation, and refuse to see from one's perspective.
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Tapir
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Hi Gail,
I'm so sorry you are having a tough time at the moment. Just remember all relationships have their ups and downs but overall it should make you happy not sad!
Have you tried talking to him when he is in a rational mood (not in a grumpy man mood - honestly they say women are hormonal but men can be 10 times worse!!) - or possibly trying relationship counselling eg relate? OH and I had a few problems a while back and it was nearly the end, we had some counselling and got some issues out in the open and really 'talked' - we are now much stronger for it.
Sending hugs coz it must be horrible
Lins xx
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weechatterbox
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hi there
well valentine's day has been interesting in light of recent arguments!!
lol
i didn't know what to do...so i bought a card and chocolate and HID it to see whether he gave me anything...no way was i making the first move.
i'm also planning on taking him to our favourite restaurant (the only one i'll eat in!! lol) if he gives me a gift.
this morning he was up and out to work before i'd wakened, so i woke to find he'd left me a valentine's card.
i've now laid his on the bed with the chocolate heart...
who says romance is dead???
ha ha ha
it's awkward cos i'm NOT happy....but i think it's MY fault and not his!
i do get angry about him narking at my kids, but as i said before, i'd get angry at any man doing that.
and the whole 'don't touch me' thing is definitely NOT personal to scott.
i still look at him and think he's gorgeous...but i just don't want to be touched.
not sure if this relates to my emet or to some serious problems i had in a past relationship which i'm just starting to discuss with a counsellor.
why is life never simple?
gxx
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GLH
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Hi Gail
Sorry to hear your having a rotten time. It can be really hard at times. I went through a really bad spell a couple of years ago and really thought we weren't going to come out the other end, but we stuck to it and talked honestly. It was at this point that I told him about my emet. Since then things have been a lot better. We have bad days but who doesn't. When we do its ususally disagreeing about the children. Lifes never easy!!!
Take care.
Gail
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