nervous wreck....upset stomach!

weechatterbox · nervous wreck....upset stomach!

hey,
i've been off work on annual leave for the past two days and go back tomorrow.
i am a wreck.
for starters, i have been seeing a nice guy but i think he's messing me about.
any opinions would be greatly appreciated.
he took me to a party on saturday and introduced me to ALL his mates. held my hand...kissed me...cuddled me.
the next day he texted...the next night he invited me to be his friend on bebo and left me a couple of comments....then on monday, nothing!
we were meant to be going out on monday night, but he didn't text all day or answer any of my messages.
then he texted at 9pm to say he'd collapsed and been in hospital but was home now. he also posted the same update on his bebo.
on tuesday i nipped into his work to see him. again, he was introducing me to all his regular customers and kissing me and cuddling me on the shop floor.
he invited me to be his partner at a wedding next thursday!
i am totally smitten with him.
all sounds good, you might think.
BUT....he told me to call him when i got home.
when i rang his work, his nippy colleague said he was busy. i called back and nippy colleague tried to pretend i had the wrong number.
after he was finished work, i rang his mobile and said 'is it YOU that doesn't want to talk to me or your mate'.
he said 'it's my mate at the wind up. it's fine'. he then hung up and texted me 'night night sweet dreams'.
we were meant to be going out tonight (monday) but he texted monday morning to say his daughter's gran had been taken to hospital and he might need to cancel.
phoned him at work and he sounded frazzled. i offered to just leave it tonight but he said he'd text me later as soon as he knew whether he was going to have his little girl overnight.
by 7.15pm, i'd heard nothing. i texted and said 'can you let me know what's happening'.
nothing!
so i've just gone on his bebo (just after midnight) and he's online!!!!
why is he ignoring me? i know he's had a stressful day but what would it take to text? he's online chatting to his mates...why not me????
i don't know what's going on.
i'm hurt and i'm nervous.
i have had D* several times and i'm HOPING it's just nerves.
but i had to phone in to work today to leave a message for someone and it turns out the boss is off sick with a TUMMY BUG.
apparently he had D* all day at work yesterday, and didn't come in today.
he is NEVER off.
so now i'm scared that if i don't have it already (which i don't think i do...i reckon it's nerves)...i'm going to catch it tomorrow.
i'm a total wreck.any ideas on whether the bloke is messing me about??? i really really like him. when i'm with him, he couldn't be more perfect. but inbetween, i'm a wreck cos he is so evasive.
having said that, on his bebo there's loads of messages from his pals asking why he's not been in touch/mentioning how he's always losing or breaking phones etc. maybe he's just really rubbish at phoning/texting when he's meant to.
but i'm a bit miffed that he just left me hanging tonight with no explanation. seems rude!
xxxxx

Sophie

Aww *hugs* It probably is just nerves. Maybe your boss won't come back until he's better but it's worrying.

It's not fair the guy's treating you like that, you do deserve better and you're right to be miffed. It does seem like he's like that generally with everyone. But it is different when it's you because his friends know him well, you don't. Some people find things like phone calls and texts really hard, I'm like that. I even find posting messages here hard because I have such a huge talent for putting my foot in it. Maybe he's similar.

As you do like him so much, I'd say hang in there for a while and see what happens but maybe do something towards finding out more about him.

Do you have any mutual friends, online or offline? If so, maybe you could mention it to them, if you could somehow give the impression you find it amusing/exasperating you might find they have similar stories to tell you.

Also maybe you could write him an email explaining you don't find his behaviour very fair, you respect his need for space, you understand it's not always easy to find the right word for a text (do it more tactful than I'm suggesthing tho!) but that you prefer to know what's going on so if he does officially cancel on you can go out with other friends rather than staying in waiting in for his call.

It is bad that he's online now and not talking to you but maybe he's just feeling really guilty and doesn't know what to say to you or maybe he's not talking to his other friends either. I know some people's computers log them into sites automatically when they go onto the Internet so it might be he's online but not looking at that website, I don't know if that might be possible for the site you're talking about.

I hope this helps a bit and I hope he gets in touch soon xxxxxxx

weechatterbox

awh sophie thank you.
he DID reply on bebo a while after i posted on here last night.
claimed he'd left his phone at WORK!
said he had his little girl staying over and he was missing me.
i SO MUCH want him to mean it!
he is the first guy in a LONG time that's given me butterflies in my tummy.
i really REALLY like him.
but i have been in two VERY bad relationships, so when i meet someone my defences go up and i analyse everything, automatically thinking the worst. and assuming that they don't want to talk to me or are using me or are going to hurt me.
and i am driving myself crazy cos i know i might end up pushing him away! which I DON'T want!!!
having looked back through his bebo posts from his mates, they are ALWAYS commenting on how he doesn't reply or how he's always losing or breaking phones.
he bebo-ed me a few times last night and said he's off tomorrow, so i can have him "all day and all night" if i want.
i said i'm working on friday but will see him tomorrow evning.....he said 'it's a date'.
but i'm just waiting for him to cancel. i know that's very negative...but it's happened twice already this week.
it's not the cancelling that gets to me. my god, the first time he was in hospital and the second time his little girl's gran was sick. that is NOT a problem.
my anguish is the fact he DOESN'T LET ME KNOW.
he just leaves me hanging.
i texted him 'morning gorgeous' at about 9am today. (he started work at 7am so i knew he'd be up).
there's been no reply.
my stomach is starting to churn again.
i am a bl**dy nervous wreck!!!!!
oh and the wedding he invited me to??
i said 'are you SURE you want me to come...cos i need to know before i try to get the time off'.
and he said on bebo 'oh the wedding...well the groom's been round here crying on me all night. will tell you when i see you'.
i KNEW this wedding would end up getting miraculously 'cancelled' at the last minute.
or is that me being cynical again??
i just think this guy is absolutely gorgeous. and i don't know why he would be interested in plain old me?
Sad

xxxxxx

weechatterbox

ps: boss is still off. apparently he has gastric flu. he was using my mobile phone the day before he got sick.
great.
x

Lori

You've sure got a lot to think about. Take is slowly with this new guy as he sounds both wonderful and a little flaky. You don't want to be madly in love with someone who runs hot then cold then hot again.

As for your phone, as long as your boss didn't poop on it or v* on it, you should be fine. But if you are like me, you are wondering if a few little particles (maybe he didn't wash after the restroom?) are hanging out there. So, if I were you, I would wipe it down with a disinfectant and even then would wash my hands after using, at least for a few days.

I'm guessing your D* is from nerves and such. Usually viruses start with V* first. My nerves goof up my poops and I get D* often when I'm all worried about something.

jessieblue

I don't think you need to worry about your boss! Its a good thing that he's off, maybe he is being sensible and giving himself proper time to recover! Thats all good!! Not sure what gastric flu is, as far as I know its the same as noro, or winter vomiting, see some people havn't even heard the "new term" for a tummy bug!

As for your new man. You know the way to get him more interested is to be evasive yourself! I know you will probably find it impossible to do, even though deep down you know its the right thing to do. Its simple really, men are still the age old creatures that they always were, modern women often confuse them. They enjoy the chase. Some people may be angry at me suggesting that, but this is only MY opinion. You need to cool off a bit hun. Hard though it may be, you need to leave some of his messages unanswered overnight or all day. Then when he asks, say casually, oh my battery went flat, etc. I promise you, if he really does like you, he will be keener than a dog with two n***!

I am sure you are not chasing him overly, but it just seems to get them hooked if they are not too sure of you at first. Its agony to do, I know I have been in this position so many times. Just cool it a bit with him, make yourself wait before replying to his messages and don't mention the wedding until he does. If he really wants you to go with him he'll mention it soon enough.

Also remember, you don't really know much about him. He may have problems of his own. For instance when us emets act strangely and avoid certain circumstances it could be misunderstood by someone who doesn't know us! If he had children, his situation may be copmplicated. He may still have issues with the ex. There could be many reasons and maybe he doesn't want to say too much in case he scares you off!

Just back off a tiny bit and play the game a little babe. I am sure it will come good in the end, if its meant to be! Good luck XX

weechatterbox

hey jessieblue.
i agree TOTALLY with your man strategy...but i am HOPELESS at sitting back. cos i panic...and then i NEED to know what's wrong or i panic more.
had a mild panic attack yesterday cos of the stress. could NOT breathe.
was home alone and pretty scared.
anyway, today my guy has been adorable.
he has told me i'm beautiful and sent me a lovely poem on bebo.
i want this to work out SOOOO much.
but i'm trying to remain calm (despite the butterflies in the tummy) cos i'm scared of getting hurt again.
thanks for all your advice.
you guys are just the greatest friends.
xxxxx

helen

Hi Gail

Before I married steve last year - i was exactly the same as you though as older than you, should be wiser! i used to get in such a state - just as you have. I agree with Jessie though - you need to play it cool and I HATE to say this but he sounds a bit of a player to me - if I were you - I wouldnt contact him again - this bit about being on bebo and contacting that way - that is not the way to contact a girlfriend - that is personal - if he wants to contact you - he should either see you or ring you xx good luck. PS - there are some lovely men out there - that WILL treat you well, and give you butterflies - i met mine only 2 years ago - he treated me with respect, loyalty and love from the outset - hang in there

jessieblue

Really good points Helen! We must remember we deserve to be treated well! If someone has good intentions they will treat you properly and not do anything that will hurt you or make you feel unhappy! Thats it really, if you are being hurt or upset, he's not the right guy for you. It really is that simple!

Good luck, I hope it does go well with him, but don't put up with any old cr*p! You are worth more than that hun. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

weechatterbox

i am just sitting here feeling utterly deflated......and i'm afraid i need your help AGAIN girls. sorry!
yesterday he was messaging me on bebo all afternoon.
he said he was going to his daughter's xmas carol concert at night (7pm).
i tried to phone him about 10.30pm but he didn't answer.
so i sent a text saying 'was just calling to say goodnight. hope you had a nice evening'.
NOTHING.
came in this morning to work and discovered he'd 'promoted' me to a top-rated bebo friend at 4.20am this morning!?!?!?!?!?!?!
what was he even doing UP at 4.20am. but if he wants nothing to do with me, why bother going near my bebo!
well it was his day off today so i guess that could be why he was keeping odd hours....
i texted him this morning saying 'if i don't hear from you, we'll stick with our arrangement for me to pick you up at 7pm. but let me know.'
NOTHING.
so a while later i sent a message saying 'look....it's gonna be pretty embarrassing if i turn up at your house tonight and you're not in. you need to tell me what's going on'.
(hoping if he's trying to hide something he'll text back to say 'no, don't come to the house'. at least it will generate a response).
NOTHING.
now the strange thing is he's not been on bebo all day. he's ignored two phone calls.
and i'm getting mad.....
BUT i'm also getting really worried!
you see, he has a medical condition which makes him take fits.
the docs don't know what it is but it sounds almost like epilepsy or something similar.
i have known this from almost the day i met him.
i know he's not lying.
that's what happened to him on monday when he didn't phone. he was in hospital!!
and when i read back through his old bebo posts, he was talking MONTHS ago about the hospital tests he was going for.
so it is legit.
and i'm scared for him....so i don't know what to do.
yesterday, i told him that i'd turn up at his house at 7pm tonight if i didn't hear different.
but i've texted twice today asking for confirmation and got nothing...so now i feel a bit awkward about just pitching up at his GRAN'S house where he lives.
i mean, i'll need to knock the door and that seems a bit like over-stepping the mark.
but at the same time, he told me yesterday that he thinks i'm beautiful, he's bowled over that i like him and he needs me to believe that he thinks the world of me.
so if he IS genuine about that, it should not be a problem me turning up...cos he'd want me to know he's ill.
and if he's NOT genuine, at least i'll know one way or the other cos he'll either be there and have to explain himself, or he'll be out with someone else and i'll know he was stringing me along!
i'm a very pro-active person.
i like to take the bull by the horns and just go for it.
but i'm a nervous wreck.
what do you guys think to me just going to the door at 7pm tonight (which i DID say i'd do if i didn't hear to the contrary) and getting myself some answers!
xxxxx

weechatterbox

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!
he finally texted saying 'just woke up. had a terrible night. won't tell you what i've been up with most of the night. day in bed for me. sorry. miss you'.
i THINK that roughly translates as he's v****** (cos he knows what i'm like and wouldn't dare spell it out to me!)
he told me yesterday he felt fluey....and i said 'you're going to cancel on me tomorrow aren't you?'
he said 'no!'...but just DID.
you know guys, i do NOT want to be made a fool of. but all these mishaps COULD be legit! i've asked him repeatedly if he's not interested and he has promised me he is. so until he turns round and tells me to 'b*gger off' i just can't walk away. i like him that much.
infact, i like him SOOOOOO much, i offered to go and visit him tonight if he wanted me to - even tho he's been s***.
what am i thinking!?
i must be smitten. thing is, he's worth it.
guess what tho?
he's not replied!
xxx

jessieblue

Babe, I wouldn't go until I heard from him! If he's expecting you and there has been a problem with his phone then he'l try to contact you. Sorry, but my pride wouldn't allow me to go otherwise. If he is unwell, you'll find out in due course, but as its a new relationship you can't really go asking, because you don't really know where you stand yet.

Sorry hun, but thats my honest answer. There may be a legit reason, but its happening too many times. You must protect yourself until you find out otherwise. Maybe he is just unreliable, but then again, you will have to deal with that all the time if that's the case. It could drive you crazy!

Good luck sweetie, I really hope it works out well. XX